- Me: Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Friend: I don’t know, why? Me: Because they make up everything!
- Friend: I started a band called 1023 Megabytes. Me: That’s cool! Is it because you haven’t got a gig yet?
- Me: I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me vacation ads.
- Friend: I have a joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.
- Me: I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. Friend: What did they say? Me: “They’re right behind you!”
- Friend: Why don’t scientists trust atoms anymore? Me: I don’t know, why? Friend: Because they make up everything, and now they’re splitting!
- Me: I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. Friend: What did she say? Me: She looked surprised.
- Friend: I just got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
- Me: I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
- Friend: Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? Me: No, what happened? Friend: He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them!
- Me: Why did the smartphone break up with the charger? Friend: I don’t know, why? Me: It couldn’t handle the commitment to a long-term relationship!
- Friend: I’ve started a fitness program. Me: That’s great! What’s it called? Friend: It’s called trying to fit into my jeans from 2020.
- Me: I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. Friend: Is it good? Me: I can’t put it down!
- Friend: I’m on a whiskey diet. Me: Really? How does that work? Friend: I’ve lost three days already!
- Me: I told my computer I needed a break, and now it’s on strike.
- Friend: I started a garden this year. Me: Nice! What are you growing? Friend: My grocery bill.
- Me: I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
- Friend: Why don’t scientists trust atoms anymore? Me: I don’t know, why? Friend: Because they make up everything, and now they’re unionizing!
- Me: I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. Friend: What did she say? Me: She gave me a hug.
- Me: I just bought a thesaurus. Friend: Cool! How’s it? Me: Inconceivably, unthinkably, immeasurably good!
- Friend: I’m thinking of starting a band. Me: What’s the name? Friend: Ctrl+Alt+Defeat. We’ll play at computer science conventions.
- Me: I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing. Friend: How did it go? Me: But everyone just left before the punchline.
- Friend: I’ve been trying to organize a hide-and-seek tournament. Me: How’s that going? Friend: Good players are hard to find.
- Me: I’m thinking of writing a book on reverse psychology. Friend: Do you think it will sell? Me: No, but maybe it won’t.
- Friend: I’ve started a fitness program. Me: That’s great! What’s it called? Friend: “The Couch Potato Challenge.”
- Me: My cat just told me a joke. Friend: Seriously? What was it? Me: I’m not kitten you, it was purr-fect!
- Me: I told my computer I needed a break, and now it’s suggesting I take up a career in interpretive dance.
- Friend: I heard Elon Musk is going to start a cooking show. Me: Really? What’s it called? Friend: “Musk’s Kitchen: Cooking with Tesla-flair.”
- I’m not going to lie; we go together like Nutella and a spoon. I’m the Nutella.
- I will go to the movies with you, but you will have to wait outside.
- Do you work at Starbucks? Because I like you a latte. I’m not a photographer, but I still picture you and me together… in bed.
- Do you have a Band-Aid? I just scraped my knee falling for you.
- If you were a vegetable, you know what you’d be? A cute-cumber.
- You and I will be friends forever because, at this point, you know too much.
- We’ve been friends for so long that I can’t recall who is the bad influence on who. Thanks for being my best friend and always going along with my worst ideas.
- I was feeling a little off today, but you definitely turned me on.
- My knees are weakening day by day because I’m falling for you.
- When I’m with you, I’m not sure if I’m awake or dreaming.
- People adore money and flowers, but I adore you.
- Hey pal, what name would you call a dog that has no legs?…well it does not matter what name you might call him; trust me, he is not coming!
- Since you think you know too much than me, what breed of dog can jump higher than buildings? The answer is “any dog” because buildings cannot jump.
- Dear besty, if you get the answer to this, then lunch is on me. What is the tallest building in the entire world?… It must be the library because it has so many stories!
- I’m not going to lie; you’re hotter than the bottom of my laptop after I’ve watched way too much Netflix.
- Likes are fake truths.
- Please refrain from drinking pop. It gives me gas.
- My favourite pastime is dancing at the table.
- What does the ghost call his true love? My ghoul-friend.
- Everything is coming to you, but you are in the wrong lane.
- Sometimes I feel ugly. But then I look at my little brother and get over it.
- Time is the best teacher of all. Too bad it kills all its students.
- You’ll meet three kinds of people in this world: those who can count and those who can’t.
- Sometimes, the road less travelled is that way for a good reason.
- Before we meet tonight for the party, just remember that life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you are drunk.
- Next time you make fun of me, I will give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it is Santa’s hotline.
- “Two strands of DNA are walking down the street. One says to the other: “Do these genes make me look fat?”
- The doctor told me that I have a healthy heart, but for some reason, it skips a beat whenever I see you.
- My mother tells me that I cried a lot when I was a little kid. I realized today it was because I was missing you.
